Music anagrams, jokes, quartets, violins (last edit Apr 03)

My musical activities

I play violin 2 or viola in our local string orchestra (SCO).A sub-set of players also perform a light classical quartet repertoire for weddings and parties. My favourite addiction is playing string quartets. The composers I most like are Dvorak,Schumann.Schubert, Brahms, Mendelssohn, Chopin and Liszt What can I live without? Well, religious music and "toots and whistles music" for a start.

From the Pit-a childish saga of music folk

"Niaah....What`s up Dohnanyi. Whose mother isn`t using Purcell?"
"Bo-ro-din..that was Weill."
"Violas guilty this time maestro. I`m alright Dvorak!"
"Guilty this time? They`re guilty in any time...3/4,6/8,9/8 and especially 5/4."
"Bela and Boris Carl Orff were in last night. The Bartok 3000 koruna. Handel`s lager is very good and I had a lovely omelette..might have been cooked byDelius Smith."
"You were lucky. Mine might have been sat on by Ethel Smyth. And someone drank Meyerbeer!"
"Rimsky-Korsakov. Did you hear a Bach or two in the quiet bits?"
"What quiet bits?"
( tap, tap, tap.)"Gentlemen! Kindly discuss your
Chopin Liszt after rehearsal.Overture from the top if you please. That`s Da Capo violas .Gotterdammerung what`s this on the sole of my Schumann. An old toffee paper! Josef, you are not to Suk sweets in the pit. Well it could have
been worse-- it might have been some Stockhausen."

Anagrams etc. with a musical flavour.

A few of the following were found with public domain software.

Avid Uri stars (12) ----->Stradivarius
No, we hate cellos ! (5-4,5) ==> Whole-tone scale
No, Sir! (5)==> Rosin
Rustled horse (8,4) ==> Shoulder rest.
Snitcher (4,4) ==> Chin rest.
Cuss it; damn! (5,5) ==> Music stand
Eire report (10) ==> Repertoire.
Old novices sin.(6,7) ==> Second violins
Mailmen crocodiles (7,5,5) ==> ............?
Maraschino (10) ==> ..........?
Hate Kate (4,3,1) ==> Take the A.
Idle Sam moons cleric (7,5,6) ==>......?
Din is Penance, chump!=>Mince pies and punch
Arpeggio => Opera gig.

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Violinists--try Tai bow technique for that "man about town" look.
Cellists---Problems with spikeslip? Wrigley`s specially formulated adhesive offers a discrete answer. Proven effective by London Underground Buskers.
String Players-----Annoyed by organists? Their vital accessary is the key. Keep the manual lid locked for best musical results.
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You have seen the Astra, Vectra, Corsa ...Now experience the thrill of Vauxhall Viola ! They`ll pay you NOT to drive it.
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Have you done St.Nicolas? Once Britten,twice shy.
..........
Q: What do I use to find the weight of an under-age singer?
Ans.: Melodic minor scales.
.........................
"It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for 35 years."....T.Lehrer(updated)
......................
Q: Looking at the orchestra, why do the violas seem to be so much bigger than the violins?
Ans: It`s an illusion. Violin players just have bigger heads..............[Pete Levin, modified. See `Viola jokes' website]
..
Anagrams of Composers.
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Bela Bartok.........= Bloke at bar.
Hector Berlioz......= Er, zilch. Re-boot!
Georges Bizet....... = Breezes to gig.
Gustav Holst........= Ha! TV slot, Gus?
Claudio Monteverdi..= Violin duet, comrade?
Sir Edward Elgar....= Sad girl? Wear red.
Frederic Chopin.....= Hereford picnic
Arcangelo Corelli....=Nice carol. Allegro!
Johann Strauss......= Susanna shot JR !
Heitor Villa-Lobos....= Ah, I sell Bovril too!
....."......".........= Brio! Sell hot viola.
Dmitri Shostakovich..= Shh, Victor. It's "Mikado"!
Andre Previn.........= Rap din? Never!
Darius Milhaud........= I hum "A", Dad. I slur.
Aaron Copland.........= Corn? A pan load.
Antonio Vivaldi.......= Diva not in, viola!
......................= Violin? To a divan!
Gustav Mahler.........= Valet hums rag.
Dame Ethel Mary Smyth...= Rhythm. Tease me madly!
Jascha Heifetz, violinist = Jeez! Can I shift this viola?
....=> Join Liszt. Achieve a shift.
Arthur Bliss = Slur this bar.
Antonin Dvorak = Divan, NOT Koran !!!
Mily Balakirev = Brava! I'm likely.
George Frideric Handel = Choir dig free lager... End!!
Thomas Tallis =>So... it's all Math !
Franz Liszt => Frazzl' nits.
Giacomo Puccini => I, Guccipiano.com !
Tomaso Giovanni Albinoni => Viola in song? Abomination ! DON'T GET UPSET, VIOLAS ...An alternative is
==> Violinist on again? Boo, man !
Georg Solti ==> Rest, gigolo!
Wladziu Valentino Liberace ==> Win a tuned viola! ,(blaze relic )

If you have found this page amusing, LET ME KNOW....victorrabin@yahoo.co.uk or bvt01@aol.com
If not, try again later. I may have done some editing.

Some Favourite Links:

Music Humour
SCO.co.uk
Thesaurus(music)